Toe Worship

Jack: Mom, I realize I am required to pose for the camera whenever I see it, but if it's all the same to you, I'd really like to get back to chewing on my foot. Thanks.
Mom: Jack, seriously, I am trying to get a candid shot here. Chew away. Please stop looking right at the camera.
Jack: I'm afraid that's impossible. Now if you would just move along, I could get back to my toes.
Mom: So sorry, carry on.

The Dummening

In an episode of The Simpsons, one thing after another causes Lisa to fear she is losing her intelligence. She keeps a journal of the process, which she refers to as The Dummening. In our house we use that term to describe the slow decline into madness caused by pregnancy, lack of sleep, and breast feeding. Without further ado, I give you some examples from this week:

1.) I took my pump to work, but none of the pump accessories.
2.) I spilled a bunch of breast milk
3.) While deeply engrossed in a newspaper article about sharks, Dave asked me what the weather was going to be. We had this conversation:

Me: Sharky with a chance of sharks.
Dave: What?
Me: (A little louder.) Sharky with a chance of sharks!
Dave: It's not that I couldn't hear you, it's that you aren't making any sense.
Me: Ooooooohhhhhhhh.
4.) At work I repeatedly referred to a symbolic link as a database link. Except for the word "link" they are completely different. I said, "Oh. Ha ha. I am just saying the wrong words today! Here, I have everything you need to know in this email from a month ago, I'll forward it." And yes, in the email I had written database link instead of symbolic link.
5.) I took a picture of Jack playing so hard in his exersaucer that his arms were blurry. I tried to send it to 3 family members with the title, "So busy!" But all they got from me was the text, no picture. Yes, family, I am so busy! Just wanted to text that to you in case you were wondering how I am doing. I'm really busy.

Stop Making Sense

Dad: Goodbye Luke! I love you have a nice day.

Luke: Bye Daddy!

- Door closes -

Luke: Daddy left without giving me a kiss and a hug and that makes me feel sad.

Mom: Luke, you need to say that before he leaves, not just as soon as the door closes. (This issue is not new.)

- Silence -


Luke: Mommy, if I said "Daddy left without giving me a kiss and a hug and that makes me feel sad" before he left it would not make sense.

Periscope Up

The subject of periscopes came up recently, as did the subject of experiments. As in, "Can we do an experiment? Why haven't we done any experiments lately? When are we going to do that one experiment?" So I had been casually saving the necessary parts of a periscope for a rainy day, a day when there would be another sudden interest in experiments. That day was today.

I got out my mirrors and my long, skinny cardboard box that I had been saving for such an occasion and we got to work. We held the mirrors in different positions and talked about reflection and angles. (OK, I actually made no attempt to explain how the process worked, but I would be an awesome mom if I had!) Maybe my mistake was to attempt to make the periscope in such close proximity to the basketball hoop. Maybe I am just slow. If I had made the periscope in 30 seconds then I would have had Luke's attention for the entire time. "Oh well," I thought, "At least this gives me something to do while I watch Luke play basketball." And, really, I had fun making a periscope all by myself. When it was finished he looked through it and said, "Cool." I said, "Hey, let's sneak upstairs and spy on Daddy and Jack." Luke said, "Yeah!" So we started crawling up the stairs, quietly. So quietly. And I slithered across the floor and got the periscope in position behind the couch and whispered, "Oh, I see them, come look." And I turned to look over my shoulder. And I realized I was alone. Alone, at the top of the stairs, on my stomach, whispering about a periscope. Alone except for Dave and Jack who were looking at me through the other end.

Luke may not be impressed now, but just wait until we incorporate the periscope into the giant cardboard box I want to turn into a pirate ship!

Laughing Over Spilt Milk

When I returned from work after my maternity leave with baby Luke I thought that there would be a room I could use for pumping breast milk. When I asked where the room was I was told, "Just use Jim's office. He's hardly ever here so he won't know." Um, does it lock? "No." Determined not to spend my 15 minutes 3 x per day in a stolen room with a chair barring the door this time around, I put a little more effort into securing a room to use.

With two co-worker moms on maternity leave, and another mom-to-be on my side, I managed to get an old office turned into the new "lactation room." I guess, in the past, other women have chosen to just pump in the bathroom. Other than Kramer with his in-shower disposal, I haven't heard of too many people preparing meals in the bathroom. Also weird, the men seem to be jealous of our girls-only hideout. One co-worker thinks equal opportunity dictates that men should be able to nap in there. Twice I have knocked on the door to kick out male co-workers who were in there using the phone or the computer. Both times after I knock I get, "Oh, sorry. Do you need this room?" Um, yeah. I don't even work in this building. If I am knocking on the door, it's because I need to pump out some milk so my baby can eat at daycare tomorrow.

At IBM in Boulder one mom was stressed her first week back to work and she left a note for the other users of the former janitors-closet-turned-lactation-room. The notes back and forth eventually became a book called The Milk Memos - How Real Moms Learned to Mix Business With Babies And How You Can Too. I haven't read it but I think the gist is that you need to get support and guidance from other moms. We have our own support system at my office. Some great advice has been posted on the walls. (See picture.) And our notes range from snarky comments about J Lo's nursery in the latest People to the creepiness of an incredibly lifelike babydoll for the low, low price of $49.99 in Ladies Home Journal, to the fact that we can't go a day without milk spots on our pants. And when meetings cause my pumping schedule to get all messed up, I know there is always a willing co-worker who will offer to call me on the speaker phone and pretend to cry like a baby to help with let down. (I passed on the offer once I stopped laughing.) It's important to have a good support system of other new moms who will tell you that a printed skirt makes it impossible to notice a gigantic ripped seam. (And just this morning I was so proud of myself for being able to fit into a 10 year old skirt. A ten year old skirt that is ripped at the seams... not such a feat.)

We may not get a book out of this experience, but I know there will always be something in there to make me laugh, even when I spill 3 ounces of milk all over the desk and and myself. Three ounces of liquid gold. Three ounces of freedom, three ounces of security, three ounces of my baby's nourishment. Oh, wait, this is about how I didn't cry. At least I knew that the print in my skirt would make the milk spill totally invisible!



(Oh - and we all know breast milk is sterile, but I stole the Lysol Wipes from C's desk and used them for cleanup. I attempted to clean the keyboard, but lysol is no match for those cooties!)

What to Expect Without What to Expect

I saved almost everything we had from Luke's babyhood, confident it would soon get used again. Five years later, everything is back in use except the three things we donated to charity:

1.) The Baby Swing
2.) What to Expect When You Are Expecting
3.) What to Expect In The First Year

The swing was a hand me down and we didn't have a box for it, and it's sort of a hard thing to store without a box. We figured, hey, we may never need this thing and if we do, people are practically giving them away all the time, so we'll just get another one. Well, I did buy another one that I found on Craigslist and it is the cleanest, fanciest, nicest swing I have ever seen, but it doesn't work so we are forced to pretend we are a pioneer family and swing it by hand.

What to Expect When You are Expecting was easier to live without because I think the sole purpose of that book is to make sure you are worried about something during every moment of your pregnancy, and I can handle that all on my own, thanks.

That leads us to What To Expect in the First Year. With Luke, I dutifully read the chapter about Month 1 right after Luke was born and then I probably read Month 2 right away, just to plan ahead. I was very aware of every milestone and when it was supposed to happen. I remember some mildly stressful months when he insisted on not learning how to stack blocks. But he did "focus on a raisin" waaaaaay ahead of schedule.

But it is nice that the week-long vigil of Waiting for Jack to Roll Over started with us noticing that it looked like he might roll over soon and ended with him rolling over, with no book involved at all. Luke said, "If I am not the first person to see Jack roll over I am going to be SO MAD!" So I was excited for him when he ran to get me, yelling, "Jack rolled over!" I ran in* and sat down on the floor with Luke and Jack while Luke told me all about it. I saw Jack roll over the second time out of the corner of my eye while I was reaching for my camera. I caught the third event on film, which is good because he hasn't done it since. And now the moment you have all been waiting for: (apologies again for the poor video quality. I'll figure this out, I hope.)




It's just so nice not to be obsessed with milestones this time. Well, maybe just a little:



(* Dave was with Luke and Jack when Jack rolled over. As I read this I imagined myself in the other room eating bonbons and reading gossip magazines while my infant son almost rolled down a flight of stairs. What I was actually doing was getting ready to go on a date with Dave for the first time in 6 months. But the children were supervised.)

Breaking News!!! Breaking News!!!

Jack rolled over! Details and video to follow later.

Oh The Places He'll Go

At three he was a bunny, just playing in snow
Today it's as if he's almost a pro!

His fave is Jug Glades he heads straight for the trees
I can't even follow! Poor me, oh poor me.

Dream and Scream's next like he's racing world cup.
At the base he says, "Mom, I was ripping it up!"

Sometimes we crash and we lay where we fall.
And sometimes we'll toss a little snow ball.

We chit chat on the lift and eat some starburst.
As we get close to to top, I prepare for the worst.

But he just hops off and starts to cruise
And I fall down and often get bruised.

He has a great teacher, Dad's number one!
Dad is the one that makes skiing fun!

Last weekend Dad took him straight down Mule Shoe
A black diamond that scared me till age 32!

In powder, on groomers, steeps, jumps, bumps, and trees
Sunny, or windy and 14 degrees

You'll find Luke at Eldora all over the place,
Tearing it up with a smile on his face!

Thank You Notes

Emily Post says you have a year to write your wedding thank you notes. Does anyone know the policy for your fifth birthday? We did a big push to get the thank yous out for the kids who attended the party, but the family thank you notes have been a long time coming. I had been writing it in my planner every week, and then I don't know what happened, but tonight we were back in business.

Our strategy is this:

1.) I write everyone's name on a list

2.) Luke writes the person's name at the top and his name at the bottom and then tells me something to write in the middle.

It seems simple, but there are so many ways it can go wrong. First of all, I have terrible handwriting. My r looks like a v. Luke read back the letters in Scott to me as "S - O - O - H". So there is that. And Luke is also a perfectionist, so that leads to other problems. Many tears were shed on Valentine's Day over an "A" that looked like "It's pants were falling down."

So today, Luke was writing while I was making chicken, pineapple, red pepper skewers for dinner. I needed to spell out every name, and the list was only useful in creating a sense of satisfaction when a name could be crossed off. Chicken, pineapple, red pepper skewers are sort of labor intensive for a week night so I didn't always know where I was in the spelling of a name. This led to an Anthony with two Os. Tragedy. Luke was also trying to write in block letters and had trouble with an N. I had a huge internal debate about showing him how to do it. Because all prior Ns had been written backwards. Do I show him the correct way and risk having to redo all the thank you notes? Do I dare contemplate making a backwards block letter N? Rest assured I did the right thing. And I was rewarded with a resigned sigh, "If you are right, then all the other Ns I have made are backwards." Sigh.

Such a relief! Thank you notes are finished!

* Please allow another 1-2 weeks for me to find stamps, envelopes, addresses, etc.

April Fools

Happy April Fools Day! We celebrated early on Sunday for many reasons. First, who has time to create an elaborate meal like this during the week? Second, I was confused about what day April Fools day was and I needed to cook the meatloaf cupcakes sooner rather than later. Luke and I got recipes for fried eggs (marshmallows and apricot) and cupcakes (meatloaf and mashed potatoes) from the Family Fun website. Luke had a good time helping me make the eggs, but when I started him on stirring the ground turkey and egg to make the meatloaf he said, "I can't stir this anymore because it reminds me of a bowl of worms and it's making me feel sick." I don't think that was the kind of reaction Family Fun was predicting when it came up with these fun recipes to cook with your family. Or maybe I was supposed to surprise my husband and children with warm cupcakes when they walked in the door from school and work? Yes, that is probably it.

Meatloaf was an interesting dinner choice for me, because, as everyone knows, I hate meatloaf and have been known to cheer when my mom's meatloaf was ruined. There was also an episode of Family Feud that I watched with my siblings some 22 years ago where the topic was "Favorite Foods" and a little old Gramma said, with a gravelly smokers voice, "Meatloaf." I had never laughed so hard at an episode of family feud. Survey says? Ding, ding, ding: Meatloaf!!!

Who knew that people liked meatloaf? I guess you can't believe everything you see on TV though because, while I choked down two cupcakes, and Luke forced down a no-thank-you-bite, and Dave said, "wow, I don't need to drown these in ketchup!" there are still quite a few left over. So I packed 6 cupcakes in Dave's lunch for today, and I will be going out for lunch!