There's A Blog Post About Irony In Here Somewhere

Last night I was working on Halloween costumes to the best of my ability with a house full of kids with cabin fever who would neither put on nor take off costumes at my command. I gave up and started working on my own costume. But no one would let me sit and sew, or if they did, they wanted to eat parts of my costume, so I gave up on the pants and started working on the top.

Without getting into all the gory details, let's just say that while I was ironing a design that included "e=mc2" onto the front of my shirt, I ended up with the reverse of e=mc2 on the back of the shirt. But you can barely see where the design bled through, because I also took a bunch of paint off the end table where I was ironing and that is now also on the back of the shirt.

I suppose a cardigan could rescue my costume. But I just don't know if I can pull off "Smarty Pants" anymore.

Question and Answer

Question: What happens when you forget to bring diapers, repeatedly, to the daycare?
Answer: They use the spare diapers, and when your baby has a blowout, they send him home in floral leggings.

Sound familiar? This has happened before.

Who's The Pig?

No, that isn't the intro to my swine flu post. Not yet, it's too soon.

Dave has been out of town for, a month? I don't know I lost track. But Jack was talking to him on the phone last night, and I heard Jack say, "I love you." It sounds like, "I nuv you" henceforth referred to as INU. Then he starting saying stuff like, "Dwandma?" and I think he was confused because he couldn't tell whether to talk to Dave or to the navigational system in Dave's rental car. I had to get to the bottom of the INU because it's just so sweet and I am tracking unprompted INUs. Sure, he'll say it in response but it's the random INUs that are the best. I mean, when he says them to ME they are the best. I assume. It's only happened once.

So when I got back on the phone...

Me: I heard Jack say he loves you.
Dave: That's because I said it to him first.
Me: Oh, because today Jack held up the Little People Farmer and the Little People Pig and then said, "I nuv you" and then he said, "tiss" and he had them kiss.
Dave: Aww, cute. We must be modeling loving behavior for him.
Me: Who's the pig?
Dave: What?
Me: Who's the pig?
Dave: What?
Me: I said the FARMER was kissing a P I G!
Dave: I thought you said the farmer was kissing his wife.
Me: We don't have a farmer's wife little people person.
Dave: What? Sorry... I? Can't hear...You're breaking up... I love you!

Sure.

Signs: Ignored

Thinking backwards in chronological order, the signs I missed are thus:

1.) We had so much time to get to the bus that Jack and Luke and I all walked. Jack has never walked to the bus, there is no time for his meandering style. I only walk occasionally. Usually it's a jog, sometimes a sprint. We left the house 2 minutes early today. Two. Whole. Minutes.

2.) Luke was watching a little TV with his hat, and coat and backpack on before we left. Usually, our race to the bus involves a sort of relay where the baton is in the form of Luke's backpack and half of his outerwear, that I try to assemble on him as we are running.

3.) I flipped through a magazine for a bit once everyone was ready. Really.

And what did these three signs not tell me? Then did not tell me that I had forgotten something.

Dave is halfway through his 8 day business trip, and this morning I was about 44 hours into what I thought was a 24 hour illness. I did manage to eat something for breakfast, and I was as excited about that as someone who has had 5 crackers and a banana in 2 days can be. At lunch I decided to attempt some peanut butter on a cracker.

But the peanut butter was mysteriously not on the counter. It was... in the cabinet? That doesn't sound right. That must mean I... I... OMG What did I pack for Luke's lunch? Think! Think! OK, Milk. A cupcake. Half an apple. Ok, that's all I've got.

And then our morning frantic freakout happened at 11:30 instead of 7:25. OMGIneedtomakea sandwichthebreadisn'tdefrostedpopitinthetoasterandgetpantsonJack. JackhaspantsneedsshoesthebreadisupmakethesandwhichwearealmostoutofhoneyOMG. Pause. Would it occur to Luke to get the hot lunch? Nohe'llcomehomestarvingandangryandcrabbyandmissinghisdadfinishthesandwhich.
ThrowshoesandajacketonJackgrabthekeysandcellphonerunoutthedoor.

I didn't know when lunchtime really is, so we ended up getting to school 10 minutes ahead of time. Jack and I sat on a bench and smiled at people for 9 minutes after I finished tying his shoes and buttoning his jacket. Then we met the first graders as they came in, and we sat with Luke while he ate some of his lunch.

It was delightful.

You Know You Are The Mom of Boys When...

You know you are the mom of boys when you are reading the target weekly ad and you say, "Why would they have the slogon 'Optimus Price' and not use a picture of Optimis Prime?"

And then it gets even better! Luke said, "Do you know who that is?"
And I said, "Yes. Bumblebee."

Note to readers: We have not seen the Transformers Movie. I know all this from the action figures and the books and the old cartoons. But if you want to call me MetaMegan Fox, that is fine, we look a lot alike.

From the Mouths of...

From the mouths of babe... And by babes, I mean 6 year old knows-it-all.

Sunday was errand running day. We went to home depot, the verizon store, and we wanted to go to Bed Bath and Beyond, but we just didn't have time.

Dave decided we should walk from Home Depot to the Verizon store, and he would catch up with us after he dropped the furnace filters off at the car. "Oh, what the heck, I'll just drive over so the car will be there." It was 17 degrees on Sunday, and snowy.

Jack was holding hands with Luke and I, and running. Then he would just drop down and hang from us and take a bunch of fast steps while dangling, parallel to the ground. Then he would jump, then sometimes fall, then run.

Once he broke free and ran towards the street. I scooped him up, and in between his screams, I tried to explain to him that when we are walking near a street you cannot let go of mommy's hand. You! CANNOT! Let! Go! Of! MOMMY'S! HAND!

Luke had a good suggestion though, "Or you could just hold on tighter, Mommy."

The Wildlife of Yellowstone

Oh look, my family is so good at fishing, people are lining up to watch them and to take pictures.

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Coincidentally, there were some elk.

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Hello, bison with geyser, aka quintessential Yellowstone photo!

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The Awesome Geologic Features of Yellowstone

Have you been? Seriously, you need to go. I'm talking to you mom.

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The Target/Walmart ad of Yellowstone

As usual, I forgot some essential camping item, in this case it was a sweatshirt for Luke, so we had to stop somewhere and purchase a sweatshirt. We stopped at Walmart. Luke was really excited to be wearing all clothes from only two stores: Target and Walmart. I guess when he has on clothes from Savers, it just isn't the same? Anywho, I suggested we do a photo shoot.

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The Food Of Yellowstone

One our long ago trip to Yellowstone, all the adults took turns making meals.
I made fajitas, served with guacamole, wine, and a side of ibuprofen. Actually the ibu was just for Luke and his potentially dead tooth, a story that I will post about just as soon as I can look back on it and laugh.

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Grandad made a pizza with with guac, chicken, chedder and salsa. On the grill. We have a friendly pizza making rivalry between the two of us.

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Grandad has to get creative after he insisted that I not continue to buy wine with screw top lids.

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Which inspired all sorts of resourcefulness:

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After our awesome hike, Grandmom made chili dogs.

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Pancakes are usually my specialty, but Dave developed quite the knack this summer:

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The Mushrooms of Yellowstone

Luke and Grandmom and I went to a Ranger talk about "The Predators of Yellowstone" the night before we took a 3 mile hike (one way) into the wilderness of Yellowstone. Have I mentioned my Bearaphobia? I also have a touch of Wolfophobia. But I tried not to let the extreme phobia get to me. The ranger said that a pack of wolves will circle and circle a group of deer and then all at once attack the same deer. (Side note - the deer are usually old and decrepit. Wolves cull the herd and prevent overpopulation.) Anywho, they attack the same deer all at once, almost as if they have the ability to read each other's minds. Yes. I know what you are thinking, because I was thinking it too!!! Just like the Twilight Werewolves, right? So when I got to bed that night, I was not just worried about bears and wolves, but werewolves and vampires. Actual thought process:

OMG - Bears. Wolves. Vampires. Werewolves. But the vampires just attack animals, not people. Argh, that's fiction! I am sure they prefer people. Shh. What was that? Did you hear something?

The next morning, we drove out to a place far away from the crowds and hiked 3 miles to a lake to do some fishing. I got sort of obsessed about the mushrooms we saw on the way in. I'll never forget that Biology of Fungi class that I took, back in the day.

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Luke and Dave did some fishing on the way there.

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Jack took a little nap.

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We had a great day, and we made it all the way back without getting eaten by a bear. This may have been due to Luke's bear bell, purchased for the low low price of $3.99. I wanted to buy the v. expensive bear spray, but Dave got the bell instead. I used that to justify an extra $27.00 in purchases from the gift shop. And really, using a bell to alert a bear to our presence and give him/her time to get out of our path is much better than trying to scare a bear away with pepper spray that shoots out 30 yards or whatever. Luke thought it was weird that 100% of the people we saw on the path said to him, "Oh good! I bet we won't see any bears today!"

I set the timer on my camera for a group shot when we made it back to the trail head, and when it went off, we found out that it made a barking sound. Also, that it takes more than one shot. I like the second one better.

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Good Night Mama

As I was putting Jack to bed the other night, we had this conversation:

Mama?
Yes?
Mama?
Yes?
Mama?
What, honey?
Mama?
What?
Mama?
Yes?
Mama?
I love you, Jack.
Mama?
Good night.
Mama?
Do you have something you want to say to me, honey?
Yes.
What is it?
Mama.

Days and Days of Photo Essays

Remember, way back when, after I got back from vacation, when I posted a list of things I planned to blog? I really want to say "blog about" instead of just "blog", but I can't end a sentence with a preposition. Anyway, remember that?

Let's see how have I done so far? Ok, not great. But! I have posts scheduled into the future now.

1.) Wildlife - Tuesday
2.) Mushrooms and Wildflowers - Friday
3.) Jack getting dirty and dirtier - See below
4.) Food - Saturday
5.) How my pedicure fared? - Done!
6.) Other
7.) Luke's ad campaign for Target/Walmart - Sunday
8.) Core Mountain Sports - Sort of Done!
9.) Geologic Features - Monday

Full disclosure, I have the photos ready... The text isn't complete. So if I fall back into some other rut of working/sleeping/reading/watching tv... the posts will still go up, but without my scintillating commentary. And I am sure no one wants that!


And now, here is a boy that got pretty dirty on his camping trip, and had no time for photos.

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