Panic Attack Magazine: November

Welcome to my new monthly feature, in which I mock Parents magazine and the ways it increases (my) parental anxiety. I know it means well. But does it go too far? You be the judge. Well, actually I'll be the judge, and I already know that the magazine makes me crazy. Guilty! Last month I learned what to do if I drive off a road and my car becomes submerged under water, and I've already forgotten what I learned, not that I will ever need it. (I'm talking to you, Mom.)

This month in The OMG! Guide to Parenting Disasters: What to do when when your baby gets his/her head stuck in the lions cage at the zoo. Seriously. Sadly, with each day that passes, I realize that I do in fact have a child who will get their head stuck in the lions cage. In fact, days after reading this article, Jack get his arm stuck in the grate over the window well.

I thought, "AHH! OMG! Parenting Disaster! What do I do? Panic, panic, panic. No, don't panic. I read that article. And I think it said not to panic."

And Dave said, "You need to calm down."

And I said, "Actually I know what to do, because I read that article. I am not panicking."

And Dave said, "Pull his arm out."

And I did. So I think the article was, in fact, not helpful because all I could do was picture the approaching lion and realize I didn't remember anything from the article. (Confession - I may have just looked at the pictures.)

So, I was relating this story at work, and going on and on about Parents Magazine and how weird it is that I suddenly have a subscription, and my good friend and fellow lactator, Carolyn, said, "Yeah. Best five bucks I have ever spent." Thanks a lot Carolyn!

(Now if we could just figure out who subscribed Dave to Men's Health and Prevention...)

Photo Credit: Parents.com